The future of nursery rhymes 


It's Raining, It's Pouring 
Oh shit, it's Global Warming. 


Jack and Jill went into town 
To fetch some chips and sweeties. 
He can't keep his heart rate down 
And she's got diabetes. 


Mary had a little lamb 
Her father shot it dead. 
Now it goes to school with her 
Between two chunks of bread. 

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair. 
Said Simple Simon to the pie man 
'What have you got there?' 
Said the pie man unto Simon 
'Pies you dummy!' 

Mary had a little lamb 
It ran into a pylon. 
10,000 volts went up its @rse 
And turned its wool to nylon. 

Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie 
Kissed the girls and made them cry. 
When the boys came out to play 
He kissed them too cause he was gay. 



Jack and Jill 
Went up the hill 
And planned to do some kissing. 
Jack made a pass 
And grabbed her ass 
Now two of his teeth are missing. 

Mary had a little lamb.
Its fleece was white and wispy. 
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease 
And now it's black and crispy.